idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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