If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just gargled with NyQuil
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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