So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
