First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
