; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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