she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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