That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
