Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
