I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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