she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
someone threw a dead crab at me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
