I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
