i just made my gag reflex go away.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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