At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
