It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
