yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
