Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
