You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
