i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
