Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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