He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
