I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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