Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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