i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
