the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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