One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
