Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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