He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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