I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
