Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
