mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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