Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
