So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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