well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
