So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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