let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
