dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm getting married
To pizza
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
