Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
