Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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