We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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