On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
