Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
