In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
