there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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