eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
