took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
