I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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