Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
