Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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