grandma shit on top of the toilet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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