Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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