Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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