Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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