im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
