i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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