an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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