Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
