I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
