I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
