dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
