I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
