went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry about my life...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
