so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
