you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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