i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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