By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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