wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
