definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
