it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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