Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
