Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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