I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
