new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
