okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
