So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
40s are totally the cure
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
