Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
