it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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