college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize