Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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